rührend

skarvika:

decomposing is a great way to lose weight

mitten:

i’m byesexual as in bye don’t touch me

remusandthelupins:

hello, yes drug dealer i’d like some weed brownies hold the weed

partybarackisinthehousetonight:

*cops knock on door* “open up the door we smell marijuana” WHOEVER SMELT IT DEALT IT i scream at the door. *long pause* *police apologize* *muffled sound of handcuffs clicking outside*

anticodon:

So I was on the train today and these two black guys were having a conversation not even that loud and said “nigga” like once when this white lady turns around and says “How do you think MLK Jr. would feel about you using that kind of language” and one of the guys snaps back and said “Idk maybe if your people didn’t shoot him I would know”

awkwardvagina:

so me and my dad are watching a documentary about a man that killed his children and the presenter turned to the camera and said ‘how could anyone ever think about killing their child’ and my dad sat there looking straight at the tv and said ‘trust me its not difficult’ he then looked at me and sighed